Guest submission.  Send your responses to

I got my first cold sore in September from the guy I was seeing at the time. He never told me he got them until after we’d been seeing each other for over a month (and had done a lot of kissing). I wish he had told me sooner, but I was okay with it and we stayed together.

We are no longer seeing one another and I am dating again. I started chatting with this guy for a while, went on a successful coffee date (no kissing) and we were going to do a second date this weekend. I figured since we would likely kiss that I’d be upfront, so I texted him tonight and told him I get cold sores. I explained it’s very common but said I understand if this changes things and he’s no longer interested. It ended up being a deal breaker for him. I feel pretty bad about it but I know it was better to be honest and upfront instead of hiding it.

My question for you folks, is when is the right time to tell/how do you tell people when dating? I strongly believe in disclosure and would feel uncomfortable kissing someone without them having full knowledge first of the small but real risk of transmission. I welcome anyone’s thoughts.

Thank you.

P.S. My gut reaction when he said it was a deal breaker was that I felt undesirable and un-date-able but I know that simply isn’t true.  It is me buying into the stigma surrounding herpes. If anyone has any positive or helpful advice for how not to feel so down on myself about it I’d appreciate it 🙂